My Mother's Journey With Dementia

I found a blog today written by a dementia patient.  Its nice to read things from the other side, and some of her insights I can understand.  I can almost feel my mother is in the same place.

Dementia Blog

Reading body language is a skill I am losing. Earlier in this illness, I could feel a disconnect between what people said and did. When their words and body language didn’t match, I would always believe and respond to the latter. For several months now I have asked those closest to me, “Are you angry?” because for reasons I cannot explain, I read many expressions as “anger.” The irony of all of this is that asking repeatedly if someone is angry leads to them being angry, which reinforces my concerns. I also am fighting feelings of paranoia and anger at strangers. It is very tempting to walk away from all of this to a quiet calm place that doesn’t actually exist.

I remember when we were dealing with my grandparents that had Alzheimer, and how our parents promised us that when their time came?  They would not fight tooth and nail the same way.  WELL see!  LOL!

I know at least two of my grandparents were both very individualistic, and loved their independence.  They were both successful business owners, and very intelligent.  Its hard to watch the person you love start to lose the aspects that they cherished about themselves.  It has to be very frustrating to realize how you must have help now.  Their stubborn side of course did fight, but to be honest?  I can't blame them at all.  I won't say it wasn't frustrating from the other end okay?  I can empathize I suppose would be a better way of putting it.  I tried to place myself in their shoes, but I have to wonder if I do a very good job with my mother at times.  Its much MUCH closer to home now.



I can feel my mother getting frustrated at the point during a conversation, and she can't quite seem to spit out what she is trying to get across.  Its the nitty gritty details that she can't seem to vocalize anymore.  I wrote about the 'big screen on the wall' my mother had mentioned.

She was referring to her television, and the 'wall' part confused me completely.  YES she has a flat screen tv, but its not on the wall.  Its sits on a television stand.  Another clue would have been mentioning shows she watched or couldn't watch, or having problems turning it on or off.  I could tell she was frustrated with me, but I was trying as hard as I could.  She told me at first it had nothing to do with television, and come to find out?  THAT is what she was talking about.

Sometimes I wonder if I give to much detail, or maybe not enough.  I suppose I could try being more firm, when I think I know what she is talking about.  If she goes along with that?  Sigh.  I don't know. 

The dementia patient I referenced above questions if people are angry with her.  I guess for me?  It would be the opposite.  I'm hoping my mother isn't angry with me when I truly have problems understanding what she wants to say.  I try to approach her in ways that I hope helps keep her dignity.

Damn Dementia.  There is enough frustration to around.  I hope to learn a calming frustration trait that works for both us.

Here is a tickle I found today.  I try not water WEEDS!