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He was mentioning that he feels he needs to go over, and take away her keys to the car. I mentioned to him that I have purposely been placing myself in the position when visiting with her to have her drive when we had to go places. I have done this a couple of times recently, and she never scared me so far.
I think that relieved him a bit, but at times he can be rather laid back. You never really know, but I think he was okay. I can sure understand his position, and maybe I'm wrong as well. I'm thankful we can talk without getting nasty. I don't believe either of us are like that, but when emotions are on high alert? You just never know what can happen I suppose. I think we even each other out pretty well. I admire him very much.
I told him I was more concerned about her INSIDE the house at this point. When I mentioned the food hoarding circumstance to him, and how she seemed to come around more to the idea that her dementia is in fact hindering things. My brother told me he brought that up to her recently, and her response to him was silent. I guess she just starred at him. That is not unusual for her. I told him how I stay cheerful the entire time. I didn't tell him this, but I knew I was walking a narrow line at the time.
My brother also mentioned that he read her the letter from her primary care doctor. He had given me a copy of that letter over the Christmas Holiday, and I think we were both taken back by how blunt he was. It was a reality slap type of blunt for both of us. We knew it in the back of our hearts and minds, but reading it in black and white like that did effect both of us.
My mother was very upset over this communication from her doctor regarding her dementia. He mentioned that she had been showing signs of progressive dementia, he feels likely Alzheimer type. She has been medicated without significant improvement. The doctor noted that at the minimum she needed in home help. She had been a good housekeeper, and meticulous in so many areas. Those things have changed since the dementia set in.
Mom has finally communicated that she will agree to in home care part time at this point. My brother wanted me to contact the company we had come over for the interview, and set something up now. He is going to contact her long term insurance company, because the social worker told us they should be picking up the cost.
I mentioned to him to leave the car keys alone at this point, and I realize both he and the doctor disagree with me now. I think taking them away from her prior to the driving test will send her over the top. She would also be left with no transportation, and to me personally it felt unfair to her. I did mention that I realize that day is coming, but for right now please leave it alone. I want to wait until the drivers test is done. I'm sure he wasn't totally comfortable with my comments, but it sounds like he will leave it alone for now.
My mother normally calls me each day, and I had noticed she didn't call yesterday. I'm sure the letter from the doctor that communicated her dementia circumstance did upset her. I also think she is scared to death, because she knows what she is facing. She knows because as I have mentioned prior we have been though this three times before, and this realization I'm sure was devastating to her.
I also know personally that when the in home care people come she will be nice. She will be polite. That is just her. I also realize she will likely show agitation towards us due to the dementia. Okay. She won't just show agitation due to the dementia, but I'm sure the fact she feels she will lose her independence. I don't think she sees this as me (or rather us) trying to allow her to hold on to for as long as possible.
Mood: Devastated once again. It won't be the last time. It hurts so much taking these things away from her, and knowing how much it hurts - for all of us really. How do you communicate that to someone with dementia? For right now I will try to keep things as lighthearted as I can. I want things to stay as upbeat as possible so she doesn't completely crash and burn.
UPDATE! Well my brother called the primary call doctor to let them know of the delay. The doctor is out of the office until Monday. At that point they will suspend her driver's license until the driving test report is done. I got the date wrong for that as well. They will do this on Thursday of next week. My brother is going to call her to let her know, and most of her activities will be done that she drives for anyway.
Anyone have experience with this?
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