My Mother's Journey With Dementia

As I mentioned last time I will give a 'readers digest' version of what my mother in law saw as we dealt with my grandfather. She saw all three relatives, but my grandfather's story is one that ticks me off royal! She got to see us up close and personal WHY we hate this disease, and I can't blame her for saying - Dementia is different than Alzheimer!

After what we went through?  The avoidance, denial, and stigmas attached to Dementia and Alzheimer?  I hate it but its understandable.  I think it effects people when they see how bad things can get.  I see it has human nature in some ways, but on the hand I want to say, "PEOPLE WAKE UP!"

My second grandparent that had Alzheimer's would be my grandfather. We called him Poppaw. We as a family had a hard time of it helping to care for him. We lived 1,000 miles away, and my grandmother (Mimi) and he were a very traditional southern couple.

Mimi made a promise to him regarding NO nursing home, and letting him to die in their house. That is all well and good, but my grandmother was in her mid 80's at this time. She as well as starting to slip mentally, and I'm sure part of it was the stress of caregiving.

My mother was of course in contact with the state they lived in, and we found out very quickly how individualistic the state was.

It was hard to get them to cooperate when it was clear to us that we needed to have Poppaw removed from the house. It made no sense the resistance that we got, because he was clearly a danger to himself and others.

You would have thought they would have CLUE one after the police picked him up from wandering the streets of his town, and having to bring him back home (this happened more than once)! That's just ONE example!  Another would be the soot on the ceiling of their home from a fire at the stove.

Stigma Of Alzheimer Dementia

It has been a few years since I have had to directly deal with Alzheimer I have been doing a little catching up lately.  Sadly, I have found that some things have changed, and others just stay the same.

My Father in Law had dementia, but he passed away from other complications.  I remember when we first got his diagnoses, and my mother in law was adamant that dementia was different than Alzheimer.

To this day I have to still speak about 'similarities', and treat them as different. To her the 'forgetfulness' is different somehow. I don't know what the reason was, because I stopped even going there.  I had the first taste of someone truly having issues coming to grips with how Dementia and Alzheimer's were NOT connected in her eyes, and of course the stigma attached.

I have had loads of experience just going with the flow compared to reality when it comes to dealing with this disease.  I went with the flow of her opinion as well.  That it truly didn't bother me just to treat them as separate for her sake.  Its not worth fighting about it, because everyone deals with this in their own way.

I will admit it did hurt when she would remind me it wasn't like my family with Alzheimer's.  She never would have meant it to be hurtful, but at the time I do remember taking a bit personally.  No, I don't think she ever knew in past or even knows presently. I don't take it that way now.  It was a bit fresh back then.

Since my father in law never got the point of my family members with the progression of the disease?  I think it just easier for her.  I'm sure part of it was from the fear of watching what was happening in my family.